Like flies on a penis. Praha

mini golf at Praha TV Tower Park

 We made it to the Czech Republic, the 8th country in our 2014 anniversary adventure, and our 6th week of travel. As we had not seen a familiar face since Jeffrey left Munich over two weeks earlier, we felt very fortunate while in Prague to discover a few activities to remind us of the joys of home. 

One pleasant glimpse of home we experienced was a visit to the movies to see Zmizela, aka Gone Girl. The movie theatre felt familiar enough to allow us to relax, but quirky enough to make the visit quite memorable. Half the previews were in Czech without captions, which made our post trailer whispered discussions concerning whether we’d see the film or not quite elaborate. (“Wait, what did you think that was about?”). Chris purchased a Heineken at the concession stand, because, of course he did. My favorite part, however, was the ham and cheese flavored popcorn we purchased and then proceeded to eat approximately 1/16^th of our medium box. It tastes exactly as you may imagine ham and cheese popcorn would taste. But when ham and cheese popcorn is an option, it seems unlikely that we wouldn't give it a try. Sidebar: we very much enjoyed the movie, and I found the Czech captions only added to the experience.

TV Tower at night. Can you find the Babies?

Our Airbnb apartment was located in the Zizkov District of Prague, with a gorgeous view of the Zizkov Television Tower, lit up by night and strangely creepy by day. The TV Tower was decorated with ten large fiberglass babies, crawling up the exterior of the tower. As this image was our very first of the city of Prague, and one we saw daily thereafter, we became increasingly interested in this bizarre choice. After a bit of research, we learned that the sculptures were added by local artist David Cerny, famous for his controversial, provocative public pieces of art. Apparently he intended them to look like “flies on a penis.” Having taken 8 tours by this point in the journey, Chris and I were quite fond of walking great lengths to find seemingly insignificant objects with historical significance or legendary inspiration. So we decided to create our own walking tour around Prague, finding all of the David Cerny statues within and surrounding the city center! 

yes, that is chris hanging upside down from the Prego Lego womb

We visited In Utero, an enormous pregnant woman with a hollow interior, allowing visitors to climb inside and experience rebirth upon their exit. We saw Freud hanging by one arm from a fifth floor window, some claim representing the very loose grip we as a society hold on reality, and is most definitely missed by the average passerby who wouldn’t think to look up for it. We cringed at the sight of Embryo, a 3-foot gelatin looking blob built around an apartment building drain pipe, worried it would begin to pulsate at any moment. And we laughed with many other tourists in the front garden of the Kafka Museum at the installation Piss, two men urinating into a small pool shaped like the Czech Republic. Apparently their rotating hips will spell messages in urine if you text the number on the plaque, but unfortunately our American phones did not allow us to test this feature. There are other Cerny statues displayed all over the world, including an epic double-decker bus doing push-ups in London, placed there during the 2012 Olympics.

Piss

As the motto of the DOX Contemporary Art Museum in Prague tells us, “In an age when growing numbers of people tend to think dangerously alike, art’s capacity to suspend, even for a moment, our habitual ways of seeing may well prove to be of its greatest value.” Keep your eyes open for David Cerny’s work, it is enchanting and deeply thought provoking. And if you’re headed to Prague, I’ve saved our tour route if you’re up for an imaginative adventure!

Embryo.

We found ourselves wandering the beautiful streets of Prague extensively in our time there. The calf-burn inducing hills rival Parisian streets and the uneven cobbles are reminiscent of the ankle-twisting dangers of Bratislava, but walking around Prague is an absolute must. The streets are full of performers, animals (mostly unleashed dogs, with the occasional street pig) blacksmiths working over their fires and charming architecture that hints of life from another time. The Old Town is picturesque, despite boasting the second most disappointing tourist attraction in the world. The Astrological Clock in the town square is remarkable, with hands depicting the cycles of the moon, the signs of the Zodiac, the calendar date, the Name Day for all Czech children, and even the time. But on the hour, this impressive clock gives a “puppet show” that is not necessarily worth the inevitable neck cramp that ensues when all eyes are looking skyward, waiting for one unfortunately disappointing show. Pretty pimp clock, though. 

One site we discovered while exploring the city definitely lived up to its Trip Advisor reviews where the Astro clock did not. Just across the famous Charles Bridge stands what is now commonly known as the Lennon Wall. Since the 1980’s, this exterior concrete wall has been covered with John Lennon inspired and often politically motivated graffiti. We saw Beatles lyrics, notes from fellow visitors, messages of support for protestors in Hong Kong, and images of Lennon himself. A lone acoustic guitar player with a pleasantly soothing voice provided the perfect soundtrack for our visit.

the sign in his case reads "i need money to repair my time machine to go back to the 60's!"

We experienced a world of beauty in the walls, sounds and streets of Prague. There is a living history in the architecture that is missing in many other European cities. We learned on our walking tour that Adolf Hitler also saw the beauty of Prague. He loved the city, and gave orders for it not to be destroyed. Because of this, there is only one building in the city that sustained any damage during WWII. I am extremely glad we searched for uncommon art and activity in this city, and would love to come back again one day and find so much more!

view of the Charles Bridge. this didn't suck.

lovefromkt

Do's and Don'ts of Bratislava. Hint: One Involves Spanking

Meet our two new friends! They thought I was hilarious...I left them in stitches!....no? nobody? I'll see myself out.

DO go to Bratislava. Located a stones throw from Vienna (well assuming someone strong like me is chucking said stone) Bratislava is mostly viewed as a stopping ground between Austria and Budapest. Our tour guide took a poll of our group and over half were only there for one day on a layover between cities. Slovakia gets very little cred in the area and in fact two of the three times that George W Bush visited the country he proudly announced that he was "happy to be in Slovenia". Thanks a pantload, GW. You could maybe blame Hollywood for their interpretation of the city as the only two movies to feature the city has done so in a poor light. Any guesses? One of the movies is Eurotrip which depicts Bratislava as a rundown town where men bathe on the sidewalk, dogs run around with human hands, and you can live like a king for a week on only $1.83 (the last one isnt terribly off, I'll get to that later). The second and possibly the most damning is Hostel. the movie about backpacking teens that get kidnapped and tortured. Once Hostel came out, the number of backpackers visiting Bratislava DROPPED BY SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT. That is insane. So ignore the movies. Go check it out. You won't get chopped up. Probably.

Although with wanted posters like this, you're not helping anyone, Bratislava

Ladies, DO NOT visit over Easter because you will get spanked. On Easter Monday, all of the boys and men in Bratislava make small whips out of branches and chase women around, slapping them on the butt. They also hide in corners and douse ladies with buckets of water when they aren't looking. As our female tour guide, Lucy, said, "This might sound sexist...and it is. But it's tradition and we like it." The more harassed a girl is, the more the boys like her so its basically a compliment. Sometimes the men will even scoop a woman up and throw her in the Danube River. In return, the dripping and sore woman will give the boy some candy in thanks or occasionally a shot of alcohol. So imagine drunk men roving through the city with whips and buckets. Count. Me. In. Our guide told us one year her dad dumped a bucket on her to wake her up, another at breakfast, another after she got out of the shower and then another SEVEN TIMES throughout the day. Now she and her friends go on holiday over Easter. Good call.

This is where we stayed with AirBnB. Can't argue with the price and you got to belay out every morning.

DO drink way too much beer. The Eurotrip angle on living like a king for almost nothing is true as long as you stick to beer. At Oktoberfest a liter of beer was 10€, in Vienna you could get a beer for a more conservative 5€, in Bratislava a liter of beer will set you back 1.50€. A 20 oz bottle of Coke costs more than a 50 oz bottle of beer and in some places a bottle of water costs more than a pint, so it'd be crazy to *not* order a beer....right? But watch yourself while you're pounding those things back because unlike the traditional 5% alcohol in American beers, the average ABV is 10% here. That's a recipe for disaster especially when you factor in the streets. Which brings me to my next point...

Beer Arena! Finally a sport I can dominate.

DO NOT ever take your eyes off the ground. I read on a travel blog that the biggest danger of Bratislava was the ground. "Beware of the streets!", it cried! That sounds like something I would shout after nicknaming myself The Streets, but it was right. I would guess that at least 5 times every day, one of us would trip or stumble while walking on these sidewalks of death. My wife would insist that I mention that the cobblestones added romance to the city but I think they just made for a death trap. Rampant around the city were what we affectionately referred to as "street nipples". I'm sure the blacktop was poorly laid down and the heat caused it to swell but my god if they didn't look like nipples sprouting from the ground and they would snag our feet every time we walked over them. I don't know how this isn't a nation of people on crutches.

Dramatic reenactment. No wives were hurt in the taking of this photo.

DO seek out local festivals. We were in town while the Bratislava Art Festival was going on so there were about twenty art galleries that were offering free entry. There didn't seem to be any restriction as to what type of style could be included in the Festival so we saw oil paintings, sculpture, photography and, my favorite, an entire room full of 10 foot tall photos of naked women complete with a background musical track of heavy breathing. Or maybe that was just me.

Hello Ladies

DO NOT walk to Devin Castle without asking a local for directions. We went to the ruins of a 700BC castle but decided to skip the 30 min bus ride and instead walk the ten miles to work off all those beer calories. It was a gorgeous walk filled with parts of the city you normally wouldn't see, including a giant public park for children that featured three trampolines, a zip line, a volleyball court, ping pong table, two soccer fields, and a water feature most likely full of urine. Minneapolis needs to step their park game up. However, for directions we only relied on Google so the last 3 miles of the walk had us walking along the side of a highway, most of the time on the road side of the guard rail. But to Bratislava's credit, not once did anyone honk at us while they whipped past us at what I would assume was light-speed.

We were able to walk right in. No moat or anything. Explains why it's in ruins

DO check out all the ridiculous statues all over the city. Bratislava has this thing where they like to just put up random statues, some of which have absolutely no purpose. The most famous is a bronze construction worker who has his head popped out of a manhole cover and rests his smiling head on his folded arms. Legend has it that if you rub his nose you'll receive good luck so defin--HEY not so fast ladies, let me finish. MEN will receive good luck, but if a woman gives him a rub, she'll end up pregnant, possibly with some sort of statue mutant spawn. Another statue immortalizes a famous homeless person who always walked around with a top hat. It seems that if I put my time in over here, it should only be a matter of months til I get my own statue. And yes, touching me will definitely get you pregnant. 

This soldier is a giant middle finger to Napoleon after he destroyed their city

Finally DO NOT assume that everyone understands what you're saying. Bratislava was the first city we've hit where everyone didn't have some grasp on English. For the most part, we would could decipher what was being said or point to things on menus, but even simple transactions became complicated.
Me: "Hello, can I get two more beers please?"
Slovak Bartender says something I can't understand
Me: *point to the beer and hold up two fingers*
Slovak Bartender nods and says something I can't understand
Me: "Yes? More beer?"
Bartender (in perfect English): "I said is it okay if I keep speaking to you in Slovak?"
Me: "As long as I walk away with 2 beers you can say whatever you want"
They're a zany bunch.

CM

Wieners and Litres. Vienna

damn, that man can jump

After three crazy days in Munich we took a train to Vienna for a little wind-down from non-stop exploration and beers only offered in litres. Our first day we chose to meander into the city center, where there were grand cathedrals, gold, bronze and stone statues, and colorful fountains on every corner. Also found every few buildings were souvenir shops selling chocolate with Mozart’s face and bags depicting The Kiss by famous Austrian artist Gustav Klimt. It was in one of these souvenir shops where we met a woman from Chicago who had been “so pleased to hear someone speaking English in an American accent!” I agreed, it was a nice break after weeks of constant language barriers to have a conversation with someone who knew Minneapolis was a real place. She had just come from the Wiener Wiesn Festival and highly recommended it to us. It was an Austrian celebration of food and culture very similar to Oktoberfest. So we had a full 24 hours of “rest” before suiting up and heading back to 1 litre beers and busty gowns.

chillin like fountain villians

We arrived at the Wiener Wiesn Festival the next day just after lunch time. While at Oktoberfest this would have been considered far too late to enjoy any festivities properly, it appeared to be rather early to arrive in Vienna. The crowd was dominated mostly by patrons my parents lovingly refer to as “white heads”, aka the average age was about 65, and they were not in full traditional garb, as of course we were. There also appeared to be more of a focus on activities other than drinking beer, as if people, remarkably, attended the festival for other reasons than getting drunk with strangers. We took our pictures in an old time photo booth, walked past several areas of children’s activities, and multiple stages of traditional live music. Eventually we settled in a tent for some reasonably priced enormous beers.

Wiener Wiesn Musicians!

It was at the Wiener Wiesn Festival where we made several delightful new friends, including Jasmine and Michael from Perth, Philipp from Germany and Ellen from South Africa. Jasmine and Michael were in the middle of a month long honeymoon and both also write blogs (Jasmine writes a food blog and Michael has one about technology. Follow them, they’re awesome people). We enjoyed their Australian company so much we met for a traditional dinner of gulyas (goulash to us Midwesterners. nom nom meat!) and sturm (red wine like boozy drink -too sugary to have more than one) the following evening. Philipp charmingly appreciated my attempts at proper German pronunciations, and informed me that while yes, Schmiegen technically means to cuddle in German, it is more descriptive of a cat rubbing against your leg than a lover slinking an arm over your shoulder. It was fun chatting with both of them, as Philipp wanted to practice his English, my German was dreadful, and Ellen could very effectively translate for all of us. We found lovely company in our four new friends and hope to see them on our side of the ocean one day.

new friends!

After once again spending too much money on large beers, we began seeking out more frugal entertainment. The Wiener Staatsoper (Vienna State Opera) offers a rockin rush line deal for operas and ballets almost daily. We were fortunate enough to score Standing Room Only tickets to see the opera Don Carlo for 3€ each! It was a very interesting and somewhat stressful process. We waited in line to buy tickets (where a crotchety old woman asked us to eat our Happy Noodles outside, as she didn't like the smell. And get out of line, ma’am? I DON’T THINK SO).

delish noodles. eatin with three hands

What I was not prepared for was the mad rush to get to our spots once they opened the doors. I’m pretty sure an elderly man knocked me down to get a better spot. Fortunately my husband is very scrappy. He dove past a group of slow moving young women and scored us an excellent spot in the center section. Better luck next time, ladies. At this point, it is common practice to leave a scarf on the support bar to save your place and wander about the building. The interior of the Opera House was beautiful, with high ceilings and murals and balconies where well-dressed waiters offered tiny snacks for outrageous prices. It was fun to rub elbows with “opera-goers”, in their fur coats and fancy jewelry. The Opera itself was in Italian. Neither of us knew the story beforehand, but it was fairly easy to follow along. And the colossal set was like a character itself, with the rising floors and moving walls that cast shadows and created massive entrances. Some say it was fairly reminiscent of a set I designed in college.

if only you could see how awesome it was in here

One of our very last nights in Vienna was spent meeting up with Adam, a friend of our friends from Minneapolis, Jessie, Tegan and Hannah. He met us at Brewery 1516, but the rowdy bar was not ideal for new friend conversation. So the three of us bought beer from a small stand and walked into a park to sit at the base of a statue, surrounded by rainbow lit monuments, speaking of baseball and futbol and road trips and spontaneous travel. And of course, as often happens in conversations with new friends, we spoke at length about public urination. This magical evening was the perfect end to a visit to Austria. And even with many suggestions from my surroundings, and to my husband’s pleasure (disappointment? It’s so hard to tell) I barely sang Edelweiss in public. 

see our heads? we're there too!

lovefromkt

Oktoberfest. Is. Nuts

STOP LAUGHING AT MY WIFE, JEFF!

At first glance, Oktoberfest looks a lot like our state fair with rides and food stands and cheap amusement park games with cheap amusement park prizes and it even has that spinny ride that no one wants to go on with me. Now imagine the MN State Fair but everyone is absolutely hammered. I mean hammered. I mean vomiting at 10 AM hammered. The tents OPEN at 10 am, how is that even possible? And where are your mothers? Now imagine every guy is decked out in leather (not like BDSM but more like the vonTrapps or drunk Marionettes) and all the girls are squeezed into tiny dresses with their breasts popping out the top. When we were shopping for outfits, a sales person told Katie, "If you can breathe it's too big". Classic. Oh and everyone is talking in German. 

What appears to be a statue, is actually an animatronic lion that loudly roars and then chugs his mug of beer.

Oktoberfest is such an amazing cultural experience and just a huge party. It takes place in Munich so everything is very German but you have people coming from all over the world to celebrate. Every 5 minutes a song breaks out, usually in German but occasionally other languages including English! It took us completely by surprise when 4,000 people started singing "COUNTRY ROADS! TAKE ME HOME! TO THE PLACE...I BELONG!" That was very much the exception and we usually had to ask our friendly table mates what was being sung at the time. Gracefully they would tell us the German being shouted, and I would just smile, nod and then make up my own version.  For example "Ein Prosit Ein Prosit der Gemutlichkeit" turns into "I'm Prosting! I'm Prosting! TO MUTANT KIND!" It worked out okay. Prost is the German cheers and happens at your table about every ten minutes. Germans don't do one big cheers in the middle, they do individual clinking so everyone gets everyone. And they also abide by what Wayne Schmieg told me the first time his daughter brought me home for a family dinner, if you dont make eye contact during a Prost, you will have bad sex for 7 years.

Another favorite song is the bass-line to "Seven Nation Army" by The White Stripes, which is probably the easiest to learn.

In order to drink at Oktoberfest you have to go to one of about a dozen beer tents/halls and find a seat. If you think ahead, you can make free reservations at a table but those are gone almost a year in advance so most likely you just hope to find a spot to plop down. The tents open at 10am on weekdays and 9am on weekends, but some people start lining up as early as 6am to get in.  Luckily we were a small group of 3 so we found a spot pretty easily. Hopefully you like your table mates because this spot then becomes your home for the next 7 hours.

Ours were great and taught us loads of German swear words.

Here's how it works. Flag down your server, which hopefully is a big bosomed lass but more likely a large German leatherclad man named Toby, and order a beer each. There is only one type of beer per tent and it has to be one that is brewed within the city limits of Munich (Munchen). Referring to them as tents might be a bit misleading because there are approx 4,000 people slammed into these things. Some hold less but one of these behemoths can accommodate a staggering 10,000 people. The most important rule is that Oktoberfest is a marathon, not a sprint.  No one will be impressed with you pounding beers and if you're the first of your friends to finish your beer, it means you need to slow down. Each liter of beer is 3 of our pints and much stronger. Stop showing off and eat a giant pretzel.

Seriously these things are monstrous.

Protocols! You hold your liter of beer like a handshake with your hand sliding as far into the handle as possible and never ever hold it with two hands. Don't pour your beer into someone else's mug, and if you don't have your own mug, you'll be promptly asked to leave. You can stand on the benches but never on the tables. One of the more exciting things you'll see are idiots showing off. Typically people will stand on the bench, draw attention to themselves and then try to down their liter of beer in one go. 4,000 people then all start to cheer and clap and slam on their tables while you try to empty your mug. If you finish without stopping, you receive thunderous applause, but if you do not....you will be received by a room full of boos. People will throw their pretzels and trash at you if you fail, or even if you take too long. Our new friend Viktor said that people start to turn on you if you take more than 7 seconds. 

Despite having a dope hat, this man took too long and was pelted with pretzels. 

"Oh man Chris, your descriptions are so on point, I feel like I'm actually there, but what about the bathrooms? They must be a nightmare, right?"
Wrong. If there is one perfect example of German engineering, it isn't the Audi or the BMW, it's the bathrooms at Oktoberfest. Guys, you know those terrible troughs at sporting events? Well imagine 10 of those things slammed back to back. The line is basically nonexistent, BUT you thought it was awkward enough just staring at a white wall at the urinal? Well now pretend there is a dude a foot in front of you, doing his best not to look at you as well, but of course...it's unavoidable. It feels like that "meet cute" moment in every romcom when sexy misunderstood Henry locks eyes with artsy Monica and something clicks, however instead of being on a subway, you're in the bathroom and "Monica" is a 250lb drunk Austrian dude named Rolf. But you skip the whole courting process since you're already both holding your genitals. Anyway my love for Rolf can't be denied and we're running away together.

And you will be going to the bathroom A LOT

Entrance costs nothing, even though they could make an extra $6 million if they charged even a $1 entry fee. The big news this year is that the litres of beer finally broke 10 euro, which has never been the case but you;re basically buying the 3 beers so we didnt mind the price too much. They also have free child care service for your rugrats* and fantastic security to ensure that no fights break out. We were there for 3 days and only saw one small altercation when a drunk guy didn't want to leave the tent, but he was ever so promptly put down by the police. Other than that isolated incident, Oktoberfest is a beautiful melding of peoples coming together, embracing each other in their shared love of beer, song, and lederhosen.

*My iPhone tried to autocorrect "rugrats" to "regrets". Clearly Siri has no patience for children

CM

There's a strong chance I'm wearing children's lederhosen.
Or possibly ones meant for women....ladyhosen if you will, but it's hard to argue with those legs.

Ich Liebe Dick? Ohhhh Ich Liebe DICH. Got it.

Berlin was our next stop on the BJ Tour and Nedd's last hurrah before heading back to his boring life back in the states. RIP. He only had one day in Berlin so from the moment we touched ground after riding in a propeller plane, which apparently still exist, we were furiously exploring the city. The walking tour was fantastic and mostly revolved around WWII but did a great job of hitting other points in German history as well.

German graffiti is phenomenal. Here's an ape taking a picture of Jeff. Science has gone too far. 

Now it's an understatement that the Nazis were one of the most destructive forces in the 20th century and were generally dicks to pretty much everyone, so the interesting thing about going through museums and tours and monuments in Berlin is the way they present the material. There are no apologies, no sides to the story, just plain facts stating this happened here and here's why. They don't bury their past in shame, they put these things in places that people can't avoid. For example, we hit up a shopping mall and alongside the ever present H&Ms and Body Shops was an exhibit about the horrors that occurred when the Berlin Wall went up. The Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe consists of almost 5,000 giant stone blocks of varying sizes all lined up in rows and is located in the center of Berlin. It takes up an entire city block and this was done on purpose to make people face what happened on a daily basis to prevent something like that from occurring ever again, to prevent them from ever forgetting what had happened.

When you walk through the rows everything becomes muted and it's easy to get lost. 

Possibly the most jarring was our trip to the Sachsenhausen concentration camp, which I'll only touch on briefly because it just drains the life out of me to think about it. Our tour guide made us promise to encourage friends and loved ones to go see one if they had the chance, saying "It's not tourism this, it's a moral obligation." So if you ever have the chance, you should take the time and visit one. It will ruin your day and you will probably feel uncomfortable the entire time, but that's the point isn't it? Years after the camp was liberated, there was a huge monument erected to the political prisoners that were detained at Sachsenhausen, but our tour guide said he despised the thing because no mention was made of the Jews, Romas, homosexuals, Jehovah's Witnesses, and other target groups that were imprisoned there. However, he pointed out something unexpected that visitors started doing. On top of the statue were thousands of small rocks taken from the field that people had placed there in mourning. That's the only picture I felt comfortable taking there because anything else just felt crass.

It's a Hebrew tradition to leave stones for loved ones, but everyone has started doing it to show respect.

ALRIGHT now onto something lighter! Now I know absolutely ZERO German besides that beer is bier, and that's about all I can handle. In general, I slaughter my way through the word, raise my voice a little bit at the end like it's a question, and then the other person says, "English?" and I say, "Oh thank God." Jeff had a decent handle on the language so he helped us get around but it also blew back against us because drunk Jeff became Talk Only In German Jeff.
Jeff: (Something in German)
Katie: "I don't know what you're saying."
Jeff: (Something in German)
Katie: "Oh. My. God. JEFF!"
Repeat
But otherwise we've been relying on a wonderful app called World Lens. World Lens has an offline dictionary but the coolest feature is hovering the camera over a series of words and the app translates all of them. It works great for a few words but if you have a paragraph it gets confused because it can't tell context. I tried using it on a beer and World Lens told me the beer translated to "Thirst for Revenge." So of course I got that one. It turned out to be a bacon beer. No that was not a typo, it was a beer that tasted like bacon. At first scent, it was really gross and essentially smelled like you were about to pound back some bacon grease but it did indeed taste like beer with a bacon aftertaste. Easily the most interesting beer we've had on this tour.

This was probably the biggest Word Lens fail. The beer was bad but I don't think I'd call it an "Anus Fathers Ballet".

My favorite story about Berlin is probably our exit. Now we relied on Jeff to book our flights in and out of the city. First mistake. You may remember earlier when I said we flew on a propeller plane? Yeah that was Jeff. For the way out of the city he got us on a flight that wasn't piloted by a Wright brother but it did make us leave our hostel at 3AM, which is just weak. But we're Smashmouth All-Stars so we formulated a plan to just stay up all night until our flight, which *spoiler alert* wasn't a great idea. We started off the night at a death bar, yes death bar, called Last Cathedral, a club that only played heavy metal and had coffins and skeletons all over the walls. My button-up fit in perfectly. If you thought struggling through German was difficult, try it while shouting over a Slayer song pumped to what my Dad would consider to be an illegal volume level.

Once Brian left we made a new friend named Bryan to swiftly replace him. He used to work at our Mpls liquor store!

After skipping another club with an outrageous cover ($20? I wouldn't pay that much if there were naked women inside. Oh there are? Thats why it's so much? Nope still too much), we headed onto a bar called Yesterday, a place that specialized in the Flower Power era and only played music from the 50's, 60's, and 70's. We had hit up this joint earlier when B Nedd was still with us (sounds like he's dead, but he's still alive...probably) and had an awesome time mostly due to Mann Oh Mann, an electronic board game similar to Sorry! except if you chose *not* to bump someone back to home then YOU get sent back to base. Cutthroat. We plan on buying one off eBay but it only works off of euros so friends we'll need you to visit a currency exchange before our next party. This place was also crazy dead so we made friends with both the bartenders, one of which bought us vodka shots because we were one of the first customers to return. Doesn't bode well for the organization, but damn did we have a great time there.

I couldnt stop losing. Why do I always get the warped one?

We crawled back to our place around 2am, took a nap and then an hour later we were off to Munich. When we eventually arrived at 9, our Airbnb meetup person was nowhere to be found. At this point we are just ready to pass out and kind of at that terrible point between still being intoxicated but also being hungover. About an hour passes before strangers help us figure out where to go, and when we make it to our house, our host tells us she wasn't expecting us until the following day. Now am I running on fumes? Yes. Am I sleep and food deprived? Yes. But am I sure this is the day we were supposed to arrive in Munich? ....Probably? Turns out she just had her dates wrong, frantically apologizes and then insists on ironing all of our sheets before we use them. I've never ironed a sheet in my life, but I felt it was rude to tell her that so we waited another hour before finding sweet sweet rest.

Drinking on stairs watching the Packers game!

What followed would then be 3 days of Oktoberfest madness.

CM