How Much for that Betty in the Window?

Red Light District. The seedy underbelly of Amsterdam.  Katie and I hit up the dimly lit section of the city last night and I immediately had so many questions. How much does this cost? How profitable is this business? How can she get her leg over her head like that? How do I get in on this? Naturally I dug into it and did some research so if you're curious, here are some interesting facts. I'll try and keep the down and dirty info as PG as I can but we're talking about legalized prostitution so no promises. 

The best time to go is at night, but there are girls out as early as noon.

Alright, the way that the RLD works is that women will rent window space (for about €100) and dress provocatively to entice gentleman callers. One of them just had on suspenders. I wanted to give her $40 just to hear how she was keeping everything in place. Some ladies will be slowly dancing, some are trying to make small talk to passersby, some are texting or talking on the phone, and some just have a real dead eye stare going on.  They don't seem unhappy, they just seem preoccupied or bored. I mean your job is basically to hang up like slabs in a meat market so if it was me, I would probably spend most of the time spacing out thinking about destroying Brian Miller in fantasy football this weekend. Will Christmases be awkward from here on out once I dismantle his team and crush his dreams? Oh and pictures are forbidden.  If you snap a pic of Sally, you'll probably end up with a broken camera. And a broken nose. 

The girls arent required to get tested for STDs, so take the Naked Gun approach

So here's how it works. Johnny wants to get with one of the ladies of the night so he goes up to her window/door. She will open the door but swing it so that she is trapped between the glass door and the wall in a sexy triangle of protection. Herein lies the rub.  Even though you are paying this woman for sex, she can still just turn you down and not give you any of said rub. The only blow you're getting is one to the self esteem. You have reached the point in your life when you've decided to pay for female comfort and she declines you as well. Tough break, son.  We actually saw someone get turned away last night. We also saw some guy get accepted! You go, Glen Coco!

If you're lucky enough to be accepted, make sure you agree on the price before you go in! Often the sly devils are somewhat vague up front and then charge you a higher price at the end. But Chris, you say, how much SHOULD I be paying this woman? Great question. The prices vary but the usual running rate is €50 for 15 minutes but can be up to €100 depending on how gullible you are. The prostitutes will typically suggest those higher rates to foreigners but just harness all those hours watching Pawn Stars marathons and get her down to a more reasonable price. Don't be swindled! Speaking of stupid foreigners, we saw a pontoon boat which was zoned for maybe a dozen people stuffed with 45 college kids. They were being busted by the police who remarked, "Ugh, probably Americans." We are the worst.

The only cheap thing in RLD is the beer. 5 euros for a pint? Yes please

Once inside (the building), you're led to a small bedroom with a prominent clock that immediately starts counting out 15 minutes so if you're bad under pressure, maybe you just check out one of the peep shows instead. Over the course of the night, girls can pull in anywhere from 0 to 1500 euros, so it's kind of a crapshoot to guess annual incomes but they also have to pay taxes like the rest of us. 

Chris, how do you have so much knowledge? To be clear I did not have sex with any of these women. Katie and my experience consisted more of window watching and barhopping.  Would I check out a peep show? Maybe. Better keep watching for updates.

CM