Ich Liebe Dick? Ohhhh Ich Liebe DICH. Got it.

Berlin was our next stop on the BJ Tour and Nedd's last hurrah before heading back to his boring life back in the states. RIP. He only had one day in Berlin so from the moment we touched ground after riding in a propeller plane, which apparently still exist, we were furiously exploring the city. The walking tour was fantastic and mostly revolved around WWII but did a great job of hitting other points in German history as well.

German graffiti is phenomenal. Here's an ape taking a picture of Jeff. Science has gone too far. 

Now it's an understatement that the Nazis were one of the most destructive forces in the 20th century and were generally dicks to pretty much everyone, so the interesting thing about going through museums and tours and monuments in Berlin is the way they present the material. There are no apologies, no sides to the story, just plain facts stating this happened here and here's why. They don't bury their past in shame, they put these things in places that people can't avoid. For example, we hit up a shopping mall and alongside the ever present H&Ms and Body Shops was an exhibit about the horrors that occurred when the Berlin Wall went up. The Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe consists of almost 5,000 giant stone blocks of varying sizes all lined up in rows and is located in the center of Berlin. It takes up an entire city block and this was done on purpose to make people face what happened on a daily basis to prevent something like that from occurring ever again, to prevent them from ever forgetting what had happened.

When you walk through the rows everything becomes muted and it's easy to get lost. 

Possibly the most jarring was our trip to the Sachsenhausen concentration camp, which I'll only touch on briefly because it just drains the life out of me to think about it. Our tour guide made us promise to encourage friends and loved ones to go see one if they had the chance, saying "It's not tourism this, it's a moral obligation." So if you ever have the chance, you should take the time and visit one. It will ruin your day and you will probably feel uncomfortable the entire time, but that's the point isn't it? Years after the camp was liberated, there was a huge monument erected to the political prisoners that were detained at Sachsenhausen, but our tour guide said he despised the thing because no mention was made of the Jews, Romas, homosexuals, Jehovah's Witnesses, and other target groups that were imprisoned there. However, he pointed out something unexpected that visitors started doing. On top of the statue were thousands of small rocks taken from the field that people had placed there in mourning. That's the only picture I felt comfortable taking there because anything else just felt crass.

It's a Hebrew tradition to leave stones for loved ones, but everyone has started doing it to show respect.

ALRIGHT now onto something lighter! Now I know absolutely ZERO German besides that beer is bier, and that's about all I can handle. In general, I slaughter my way through the word, raise my voice a little bit at the end like it's a question, and then the other person says, "English?" and I say, "Oh thank God." Jeff had a decent handle on the language so he helped us get around but it also blew back against us because drunk Jeff became Talk Only In German Jeff.
Jeff: (Something in German)
Katie: "I don't know what you're saying."
Jeff: (Something in German)
Katie: "Oh. My. God. JEFF!"
Repeat
But otherwise we've been relying on a wonderful app called World Lens. World Lens has an offline dictionary but the coolest feature is hovering the camera over a series of words and the app translates all of them. It works great for a few words but if you have a paragraph it gets confused because it can't tell context. I tried using it on a beer and World Lens told me the beer translated to "Thirst for Revenge." So of course I got that one. It turned out to be a bacon beer. No that was not a typo, it was a beer that tasted like bacon. At first scent, it was really gross and essentially smelled like you were about to pound back some bacon grease but it did indeed taste like beer with a bacon aftertaste. Easily the most interesting beer we've had on this tour.

This was probably the biggest Word Lens fail. The beer was bad but I don't think I'd call it an "Anus Fathers Ballet".

My favorite story about Berlin is probably our exit. Now we relied on Jeff to book our flights in and out of the city. First mistake. You may remember earlier when I said we flew on a propeller plane? Yeah that was Jeff. For the way out of the city he got us on a flight that wasn't piloted by a Wright brother but it did make us leave our hostel at 3AM, which is just weak. But we're Smashmouth All-Stars so we formulated a plan to just stay up all night until our flight, which *spoiler alert* wasn't a great idea. We started off the night at a death bar, yes death bar, called Last Cathedral, a club that only played heavy metal and had coffins and skeletons all over the walls. My button-up fit in perfectly. If you thought struggling through German was difficult, try it while shouting over a Slayer song pumped to what my Dad would consider to be an illegal volume level.

Once Brian left we made a new friend named Bryan to swiftly replace him. He used to work at our Mpls liquor store!

After skipping another club with an outrageous cover ($20? I wouldn't pay that much if there were naked women inside. Oh there are? Thats why it's so much? Nope still too much), we headed onto a bar called Yesterday, a place that specialized in the Flower Power era and only played music from the 50's, 60's, and 70's. We had hit up this joint earlier when B Nedd was still with us (sounds like he's dead, but he's still alive...probably) and had an awesome time mostly due to Mann Oh Mann, an electronic board game similar to Sorry! except if you chose *not* to bump someone back to home then YOU get sent back to base. Cutthroat. We plan on buying one off eBay but it only works off of euros so friends we'll need you to visit a currency exchange before our next party. This place was also crazy dead so we made friends with both the bartenders, one of which bought us vodka shots because we were one of the first customers to return. Doesn't bode well for the organization, but damn did we have a great time there.

I couldnt stop losing. Why do I always get the warped one?

We crawled back to our place around 2am, took a nap and then an hour later we were off to Munich. When we eventually arrived at 9, our Airbnb meetup person was nowhere to be found. At this point we are just ready to pass out and kind of at that terrible point between still being intoxicated but also being hungover. About an hour passes before strangers help us figure out where to go, and when we make it to our house, our host tells us she wasn't expecting us until the following day. Now am I running on fumes? Yes. Am I sleep and food deprived? Yes. But am I sure this is the day we were supposed to arrive in Munich? ....Probably? Turns out she just had her dates wrong, frantically apologizes and then insists on ironing all of our sheets before we use them. I've never ironed a sheet in my life, but I felt it was rude to tell her that so we waited another hour before finding sweet sweet rest.

Drinking on stairs watching the Packers game!

What followed would then be 3 days of Oktoberfest madness.

CM

Vodka together, or not at all. Warszawa

The BJ Tour continues as Brian and Jeff join us on a visit to Warsaw. As none of us had been to Poland before, we began our visit with a walking tour of Old Town from the orange umbrella company and our sassy guide, Michal. We learned of history, architecture, and the proper way to drink vodka. Yes, Michal brought us to a pub for a snack of Smalec (pork lard spread on bread with a pickle- delicious!) and instructed us on the proper way to drink vodka, and also the only ways to refuse vodka. Because drinking vodka together is a social tradition, you cannot simply refuse without risking offending your host.  Jeff suggested claiming to be pregnant, but since that only works for some of us, Michal also suggested claiming allergies to potatoes, barley, grain, and corn. And you must claim allergies to all, or your host will simply bring a different kind of vodka. Our favorite was Zabrowka, although I don’t know how anyone gets used to drinking that much vodka. My stomach is still burning.  He also explained the importance of giving a toast before the shot, and how it’s key to go on for far too long, until the arms of all guests are quivering. Jeff, Brian, Chris and I insisted on bringing this tradition to every meal.

My favorite part of the walking tour came at exactly 11:15. According to Michal, every day at 11:15 a trumpeter appears in the window of the Royal Castle to play a national tune in honor of the exact time the clock stopped when the palace was bombed, the beginning of the complete destruction of Old Town in WWII. However, 11:15 is also the exact time the clock was restarted when the building was rebuilt, so the powerful moment carried both a happy and sad story.

We also took a bike tour visiting key sites of Communist occupied Warsaw. This was particularly interesting to me because I had very little knowledge of this time in Poland’s history. Our guide took us to many controversial areas, including a monument to the Soviet soldiers that died in Warsaw during WWII. Our guide explained that since Warsaw was under Communist control, honoring these soldiers was the same as erecting a statue for the Germans. To­ make matters more complicated, we were there on the 75^th anniversary of the Soviet army invading the city so there were cops on site to prevent vandalism or a demonstration. He also led us through very busy, heavily trafficked parts of town, which for some of us who were recently in a horrific bike accident, was pretty stressful. But he also led us through several beautiful parks and gardens, which far made up for the extremely perilous cobblestones of death.

Brian and Jeff enthusiastically joined our quest to try as many new beers as possible. We probably bought 40 different .5L bottles to try during our late night activity planning sessions. My favorites were Sloty Kat, Teskie, and of course anything that tasted strongly of strawberries (great choice, Brian). We tried new beers and vodkas in cafes as well, often per the suggestion of our server. It was fun to eat in Old Town square, even though Michal told us that’s where tourists go, not locals. But Old Town at night looked like an old time postcard and the people watching was exceptional so we went a few times. We also wanted to get a more local feel, so we visited a small café in Praga, a neighborhood a bit dodgier than the other parts of Warsaw we visited, however felt much more like a place we would live in than the touristy Old Town. Claudia, an extremely pleasant, enthusiastic server with enough English to help us translate the menu, took us back through a hidden-door bookshelf into a beautiful secret back garden where we enjoyed soft pizzas, beer and of course, vodka.

We discovered a very exciting activity while in Warsaw called “Room Escape”. Similar to video games the boys claim to have often played (get a job, am I right?), Room Escape gives you 60 minutes to, you guessed it, escape a room. We chose the Indiana Jones style excavation theme, where we had to work together to solve puzzles, find keys and use more math than our beer focused vacation minds were used to. We escaped the tomb with three minutes to spare! Great job, team. While this activity had nothing to do with history, culture, or even Warsaw, (we found a similar company in Minnetonka), it was still one of our favorite adventures.

As I said, none of us had visited Warsaw before, and I for one left far more educated about Warsaw, the war, and most importantly, the Warsaw Uprising. I would highly recommend a visit to the Warsaw Uprising Museum. The people of Warsaw showed such bravery and resilience when being attacked from all sides with little assistance from the Allies. We learned that 85% of Warsaw was completely destroyed by 1945, although less than 70 years later and you would never know it. Some buildings were recreated to look exactly as they did before the war – many funded by the Polish people themselves when the government moved too slowly - while other buildings, like the new Warsaw Spire, are adding a modern spice to the classic city.

We were unable to see more of Poland on this trip, so we’re of course planning a return to visit Poznan, Krakow, and more of Warsaw. Until then, we will have to see if they sell Zabrowka in Minneapolis.

Na zdrowie! lovefromkatie

Fanny Pack Means Something Completely Different In England

I apologize for the lack of posts lately but honestly you should blame our (formerly) best friends Brian Nedd and Jeff Merkel who showed up last week. These duds have joined up on our trip and completely changed the dynamic of the group. For example, now I'm told it's inappropriate to walk around our apartment naked or it's gross when I use my belly button as a salsa dish. Get over it and have some Tostitos with me.

Don't let their smiles fool you. They're monsters

After spending a couple days in Amsterdam we headed off to London for our next adventure. We didn't see Big Ben or the Tower Bridge or the queen and her corgis. No we didn't even step foot in that London, we actually went to a small town called St Albans about 50 miles north of the city. London is beautiful and has a lot of things going for her (similar to my cousin Laura) but what London proper DIDNT have was a Koo Koo Kangaroo show. (UPDATE: Not until October 1st that is! Shameless plug. Check it out.)

Plus they need our money. Neil can't even afford a whole shirt

Koo Koo Kangaroo is a dance band made up of two of our friends Bryan and Neil from Minneapolis that sings about dinosaurs, colors, friendship bracelets, and how to be a ninja. Normally we could see them once a month in Mpls for free so naturally we should probably spend hundreds of dollars to see them in England. But we rationalized dropping all that cash by deciding that we wouldn't pay for a place to sleep that night. The plan was to arrive in England at 2pm and stay awake until the next day when we flew out at 2pm. Ambitious but we are young and I'm a perfect specimen of health that has no problem alternating alcohol, coffee, and doner for 24 hours. More on that later.

I think we hit official groupie status.

One of my favorite culture miscues happened in St Albans. For lunch we went to a restaurant called The Horn, a hip musical venue that exclusively hosted cover bands like The Fu Fighters. Bryan and Neil ordered some food while the rest of us took a few extra minutes to figure out how hungry we were. After 5 minutes of deliberation Nedd and I went up to the bar to order some food and here's how that went down.
Me: Hey we're ready to order some food. We'll do two fish and chips and the nachos.
Bartender: Sorry kitchen closes at 3 pm.
Me: Seriously? We just ordered two minutes ago.
Bartender: No, I'm bloody joking.
5 SECONDS OF EXCRUCIATING SILENCE
Me: ......Wait...sooooo ARE you joking?
Then he shot me a look that I'll just nicely just call "Absolute Contempt" and walked away. We did not get our fish. Luckily the rest of our trip from there was just kickass. We went to Ye Old Fighting Cocks, which was sadly not a phallic boxing venue but is the oldest pub in England according to Guinness. This place has been around since the 8th century. That's a lot of pints.

I bet Andrew shops here

Koo Koo opened up for Frank Turner, a folk rocker you'll often hear on 89.3 and puts on an awesome show. However since we were "with the band" we spent most of his set doing human pyramids in the lobby and taking shots of whiskey backstage. Now tragically that whiskey would be our downfall because it overpowered all the caffeine in our system and started to bring us back down to Earth around midnight,14 hours before our flight out. We discussed mainlining espresso and heading to London or just buying a train ticket to the end of the line and sleep the whole ride. But lo and behold we met Nic and Dave. These two boys were letting Koo Koo crash on an air mattress at their house, and after 6 hours of drinking with them they let us sleep on their floor as well. Life savers. Oh and they took us to a late night fried chicken shop. Late. Night. Fried. CHICKEN. I'm pretty sure I ate the bones.

I guess you could say we slept with the band

After four hours of sleep, we peeled ourselves off the floor of our new friends' flat, somehow made it to the airport, and then stumbled around like zombies until our plane to Poland took off.  

I basically went full Weekend at Bernie's

Solid 24 hours in St Albans of all places. 

CM

If you aint Dutch, you aint much

Two weeks as Amsterdammers.

This was my third (Chris’ second) visit to Amsterdam, but the first time staying in a residential neighborhood for both of us. Our apartment is in Amsterdam West, just outside of Rembrandtpark. This has made it easy for us to get a pleasant mix of life in this eclectic city. It’s about a 30 minute walk wherever we want to go, so each day we meander to a different area and check out a different scene, some more touristy than others. Below is our top ten list of must-sees in our favorite areas of Amsterdam.

Our apartment is on the left!

10. Leidsplein: A bumpin’ square filled with music, bars and broads. We picked a table at random one night and ended up at the Green Bar and BBQ with an exquisite Englishman as our server who recommended the best bang for your buck beers. This, by us, was greatly appreciated. Avoid the Satellite Sports Bar. They trick you with their 500 televisions playing NFL games and they stick you with only okay food and an outrageous bill.

9. Eat a Kroner or Gebakken at Café Marktzicht: Located at the end of the Ten Katestraat Market (great name) in our very own Amsterdam West, the delightful Café Marktzicht is owned by an extraordinary Dutchman named Rick. Don’t speak Dutch? He will help translate the menu for you, recommend delicious traditional Dutch food, and perhaps pull up a chair at your table for an hour or so. Don’t miss the Kroket, it tastes like a tiny thanksgiving dinner.

8. Run or stroll in Rembrandtpark: The view is beautiful and the leash-free dogs are plentiful. Plus there are many woodsy paths that take you away from prying eyes, giving even the most fit among us a chance to walk slowly and breathe heavily for a while.  Don’t miss the free outdoor gym, where extremely ripped men (and we) spend many an afternoon.

 man stuff. 

7. Red LightDistrict: The ladies. The weed. The wall-to-wall tourists. RLD is an experience.

6.  Markets: We’ve purchased produce from Ten Katestraat, sangria from Westermarkt in Jordaan, souvenirs from the Albert Cuyp Market (over 300 vendors!) and almost bought tulip bulbs from the Bloemenmarkt before realizing we’d have to carry them around for 100 days. Markets are fun to navigate, cheaper and fresher than grocery stores, and exciting for Chris to haggle prices.

5. Rembrandtplein: Great area for people watching! Rembrandtplein is a more touristy area of central Amsterdam and draws a very eclectic crowd. Pull up a chair at The Three Sisters Pub for a decently priced pint and a perfect view of the tram stop and grassy area beyond. There is a large monument to Rembrandt in the center of the square where street performers can be enjoyed every day. Pull up a bench at the Cinema Café for a rousing game of chess, or enjoy a 2 euro beer at Woody’s next door! Dennis from Woody’s promised to put on the Packer game for us on Sunday, so stay tuned.

4. Canal Pizza Cruise: Concerned about the high prices of canal cruises? We can highly recommend the Canal Pizza Cruise! It is reasonable priced for budget travelers like ourselves, and it includes ice cream, pizza, and UNLIMITED DRINKS! We got our money’s worth and got to see the city from the water. Thanks to Michael and Mary Sue for that delightful anniversary gift!

3.  Vondelpark: Among the many wonders of this enormous park is a huge ninja warrior style jungle gym. The wooden frame stretches between the surrounding trees and sits on the edge of a pond towards the southern end of the park. Beware of bruises in your quest to look as badass as the 80 pound kid in front of you.

2. Museumplein: Perfect grassy area for a picnic, a pickup futbol game, or a photo on the iconic IAmsterdam sign. Currently Museumplein features The Baubles Parade- a collection of large mosaic spheres lining the edge of the square.

1. The Free Fringe Tent: The Amsterdam Fringe Festival has 80 performances in 40 locations over 11 days, including a free tent in Leidsplein. We visited on a night of dancing and live music, the performers all in funky Elizabethan-style garb. The music carried out to the backyard area called The Secret Garden: a grassy area on the edge of a canal. Grab a beer in a plastic cup (which you can reuse on your next fill), snag a seat on a floral picnic bench or in a giant bean bag chair and enjoy! Proost!

lovefromkt

How Much for that Betty in the Window?

Red Light District. The seedy underbelly of Amsterdam.  Katie and I hit up the dimly lit section of the city last night and I immediately had so many questions. How much does this cost? How profitable is this business? How can she get her leg over her head like that? How do I get in on this? Naturally I dug into it and did some research so if you're curious, here are some interesting facts. I'll try and keep the down and dirty info as PG as I can but we're talking about legalized prostitution so no promises. 

The best time to go is at night, but there are girls out as early as noon.

Alright, the way that the RLD works is that women will rent window space (for about €100) and dress provocatively to entice gentleman callers. One of them just had on suspenders. I wanted to give her $40 just to hear how she was keeping everything in place. Some ladies will be slowly dancing, some are trying to make small talk to passersby, some are texting or talking on the phone, and some just have a real dead eye stare going on.  They don't seem unhappy, they just seem preoccupied or bored. I mean your job is basically to hang up like slabs in a meat market so if it was me, I would probably spend most of the time spacing out thinking about destroying Brian Miller in fantasy football this weekend. Will Christmases be awkward from here on out once I dismantle his team and crush his dreams? Oh and pictures are forbidden.  If you snap a pic of Sally, you'll probably end up with a broken camera. And a broken nose. 

The girls arent required to get tested for STDs, so take the Naked Gun approach

So here's how it works. Johnny wants to get with one of the ladies of the night so he goes up to her window/door. She will open the door but swing it so that she is trapped between the glass door and the wall in a sexy triangle of protection. Herein lies the rub.  Even though you are paying this woman for sex, she can still just turn you down and not give you any of said rub. The only blow you're getting is one to the self esteem. You have reached the point in your life when you've decided to pay for female comfort and she declines you as well. Tough break, son.  We actually saw someone get turned away last night. We also saw some guy get accepted! You go, Glen Coco!

If you're lucky enough to be accepted, make sure you agree on the price before you go in! Often the sly devils are somewhat vague up front and then charge you a higher price at the end. But Chris, you say, how much SHOULD I be paying this woman? Great question. The prices vary but the usual running rate is €50 for 15 minutes but can be up to €100 depending on how gullible you are. The prostitutes will typically suggest those higher rates to foreigners but just harness all those hours watching Pawn Stars marathons and get her down to a more reasonable price. Don't be swindled! Speaking of stupid foreigners, we saw a pontoon boat which was zoned for maybe a dozen people stuffed with 45 college kids. They were being busted by the police who remarked, "Ugh, probably Americans." We are the worst.

The only cheap thing in RLD is the beer. 5 euros for a pint? Yes please

Once inside (the building), you're led to a small bedroom with a prominent clock that immediately starts counting out 15 minutes so if you're bad under pressure, maybe you just check out one of the peep shows instead. Over the course of the night, girls can pull in anywhere from 0 to 1500 euros, so it's kind of a crapshoot to guess annual incomes but they also have to pay taxes like the rest of us. 

Chris, how do you have so much knowledge? To be clear I did not have sex with any of these women. Katie and my experience consisted more of window watching and barhopping.  Would I check out a peep show? Maybe. Better keep watching for updates.

CM

This is not 'Nam, there are rules. Iceland

Our first stop on our anniversary adventure was Reykjavik, Iceland. This was also our first experience staying in an apartment through Airbnb. We rented out a one bedroom apartment in a quiet neighborhood about a ten minute walk from downtown. Our first night in the new neighborhood we wandered down a funky, charming street in downtown filled with shops, cafes, Chuck Norris themed restaurants and beautiful street art. Our favorite spot was a Big Lebowski themed bar, where we enjoyed pints surrounded by bowling alley decor and reruns of Seinfeld, captioned in Icelandic.

Day two we took a bus tour of The Golden Circle, all around the Southwest of Iceland. The first stop was at a local family owned greenhouse that grows tomatoes year round. Most people on the tour tasted their famous tomato soup. We ordered a beer and a coke. But we were told the soup was incredible.

Next, we visited the Great Geyser and hot springs in Haukadalur. The air smelled strongly of sulfur and the sky was filled with a creepy, mystical haze. We accidentally meandered downwind of the Great Geyser and spent the rest of the tour uncomfortably damp. But it did make for an excellent Iceland Bucket Challenge video.

We also drove through a lava field, stood on the edge of a rushing waterfall called Gulfoss (nicknamed Golden Falls, which I assume means it consists of mostly urine) and lastly we hiked through Þingvellir National Park. There we saw the edge of the Mid-Atlantic ridge, the original site of Parliament, and a beautiful lake where they used to drown witches. Chris tried to push me in, but my cat-like speed and agility won out, as it so often does.

We originally wanted to visit Iceland because of the beautiful adventures in the film The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, which is filmed entirely in Iceland. But we realized very quickly that the short time we had to spend in Iceland would not show us more than a small fraction of the wonders of this quirky, chilly land. Here's hoping there's time for more exploration on our return trip. Skál!

lovefromkt

14 in '14!

And we're back! Almost two years to date, our blog has returned from the dead, ready to kick some more travelling ass. As the title suggests, we are going to try and hit 14 different countries in our endeavor, but we currently have only 13 planned so we welcome any suggestions. We'll mostly be bopping around in Europe and a quick shot over to South Korea and Tokyo to spend Thanksgiving with our friend Jessie, who has been teaching children how to speak that English real good.

COVER THE WORLD IN RED!

Here's a more detailed view of that map. Check it out. We leave in two days on the anniversary of Take One of our wedding and WE. ARE. PUMPED.

If anyone wants a postcard, just send us your address. Although I can't promise that we won't pass along your information to the Church of Latter Day Saints and sign you up for Black Men Magazine.

It's got great articles

T Minus 48 hours til wheels up. Keep posted for updates.

CM