My Kingdom for a Gyro

I know everyone is all in an uproar over our (im)pending nuptials but I'm ready to provide the answer to what everyone is wondering.....What does Chris think about eating in Greece?

Our exploits in Greece are very similar to Harold and Kumar go to White Castle except the object of our affection was a gyro rather than a diarrhea inducing slider. Also, we're both extremely Caucasian. I love gyros so needless to say I was excited to get one where they originated. We started our search in Crete, but came up empty. The first establishment didnt seem to have them on the menu so we, thinking there must be some mistake, asked the proprietor for gyros. He explained that he didnt have any but said he would bring something relatively close. For those of you that dont know, a gyro is meat (usually beef/lamb) wrapped in a pita with veggies and tzatziki sauce. The man brought us two pieces of fatty steak. Mission failed.

From then on our search grew worse, with most people not even recognizing the word gyro. Maybe it was my fault since I pronounce it YUR-ROWS, which sounds identical to their monetary system the euro. Although maybe I could have phrased it better than GIVE ME ALL YOUR GYROS. It took us seven days before we got an authentic gyro, and in the end it was only okay. 

Meat on a stick and fat beers are staples in Greece. Hard to argue with that

In general, before you go to a Greek restaurant, you should make sure you have nothing going on in the next three hours, because if you do, you do not have time to eat. Tipping is 10% in Greece if anything so the waiters tend to not pay any attention to you. So you're not going to get refills, you're not going to get any more bread, and you better order all your beer up front because he is not coming back. Once you get your food you basically need to trick your server to come back to your with the bill. I tried the head nod and what I thought to be the universal two finger raise but nothing worked. At one restaurant, I waved at our server to get his attention and he looked up at me, smiled broadly, waved vigorously back at me, and then disappeared for twenty minutes.

It is deemed rude to try to rush out of a Greek restaurant on your own schedule. When we tried to leave our first restaurant in Greece, the waiter panicked and said something that sounded like, "One minute! One minute! Watermelon!" Now I, of course, thought this was just my American ignorance and clearly that was not what the man said, but then he quickly came back with a heaping plate of fruit. Yes, once your meal is done it is customary for the restaurant to serve you some sort of melon. And only after you make a sizable dent in said fruit will they bring you the bill. Again, you need a solid two hours. At least.

Another note. In Greece, women are as invisible to servers as my facial hair. Katie was rarely addressed by waiters especially when the bill came. Even if she asked for the bill, it was given to me. At one of the our last restaurants in Santorini she handed the waiter our bill with her money and when he came back with the change he made it a point to hand it to me.  Katie was less than amused. Although it's a pretty sweet deal if you ask me.

Mythos should be your beer of choice while you are in Greece. 

Mainly because the label has a unicorn on it. A fucking unicorn. Check and mate